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November 14, 2012
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Be A Critic Volume 2

Wed Nov 14, 2012, 8:27 AM

mormonbookworm

A Battle's ChoiceA rocket bursts into the sky, giving a split second of light to the ebony sky. Gun shots can be heard, and so can the calls of war. A girl, in the middle of now empty battle field, looks down at the corpses that surround her, then at the young man standing not far from her.  Each of them holds a staff, and is robed in a cloak corresponding to their Eternal Callings.
A groan is heard from the soldier, not anything but a mere boy, at her feet. Eyes flutter, and the young warrior looks up to the young woman now crouched above him, her eyes filled with sadness. "Are you an angel? Am I dead?" he murmurs, and she realizes he is French, for that is what he mumbles in. She gives him a grieving smile, and answers. "Not exactly, my friend –"She gestures for her companion to join her, "and I are here to see you  further ." The soldier hear the inflection in the final word, and recognizes who, or what, these two people are.
"La vie et la mort." The pair above him ex
Ella's God-sister"Ella, Ella, dear, please stop crying." I looked at my best friend, who was currently sobbing, and sporting a hand print on her cheek.  I've always been an older sister figure to Ella, and hurts me when she hurts. Ella is about 21, and I, at 35, am a good bit older. But I knew her father, and my parents were her Godparents. I've always loved my God-sister, as did my family, and we are always here for her when she needs away from her step-mother and -sisters. They are, without a doubt, some of the most horrible people you'd ever meet, to abuse a girl such as Ella. As Ella dried her tears, I questioned her. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
My God-sister nodded, and she told me all about her neighbor, Justin's, party, which every young woman in the city was invited to, in fact, I had gotten the same invite myself, from said neighbor's older brother, Thomas. I was asked to be a chaperone, as a bunch of young, newly able-to-drink, people has the potential to get messy. It wa
RunningRunning, running, running,
All I ever do is flee.
I flee physically,
And mentally
And emotionally
It's a wonder I 'm not fit yet
From all the running I do.
People run,
From trouble,
From pain
From their own guilt,
They run from those moments,
Those fleeting, happy, eternal moments.
We all run from agony
From numbness
To apathy
To feelings
Away from emotions
We all run,
But we can never escape…


The Challenge


:bulletblack: Pick at least one of the thumbs above*
:bulletblack: Read it
:bulletblack: Comment or Critique it**
:bulletblack: Leave a comment on THIS journal with the following:
:bulletwhite: A link to your comment on the deviation you chose***
:bulletwhite: A link to one of your deviations you'd like to have feedback on

:bulletblack: Wait for the results to come out!

Start Date: NOW!


End Date: November 27, 2012 @ 11:59PM EST




The Prizes


:bulletblack: One random winner will receive a comment/critique from me.
:bulletblack: A second random winner will receive 50:points:



Winners from Volume 1


:bulletblack: violetense won a comment/critique from me.
:bulletblack: MeganLawler94 won 50:points:



Interested in being Featured?


Awesome!  It's real simple to sign up.  Just drop me a note with the thumbcodes to three of your deviations you'd like to receive feedback on.  Prose, poetry, scripts, anything!  But, before you send me the note, please make sure that the deviations you're choosing have a couple questions in the author's comments.  It's much easier to give feedback on something if you know what the author isn't sure about.

*Commenting/critiquing on more than one of the deviations will increase your odds of winning.  There is a strict limit of three entries per deviant.
**A Comment is a few lines, possibly a paragraph, about your opinion of the story.  It usually includes something that you really liked and should include at least one thing that can be improved.  A Critique is many paragraphs about the deviation and will include both personal opinion as well as correction to technical errors.
***To get a link to your comment, once you've submitted it, click on the time stamp.


~mormonbookworm is next up in the Bi-Weekly Critique Challenge
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcassiecros13:
CassieCros13 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
[link], [link], and [link]

I would appreciate feedback on these two pieces :) [link] and [link]
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   Writer
Awesome feedback!! Thank you.

You've been added to the prize pool three times!
Reply
:iconwhatpumpkins:
whatpumpkins Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012   Writer
critiques one and two. :heart:

some thoughts on this piece would be much appreciated; i) Wanderlust.
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   Writer
Excellent.

Thanks for participating. You've been added to the prize pool two times!
Reply
:iconwhatpumpkins:
whatpumpkins Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconmajcen007:
Majcen007 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
[link] and [link] are my critiques :icondragonhugplz:

This is the Poem I would like feedback on [link] because it's my most popular one :) Enjoy and thanks :heart:
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012   Writer
Awesome! Thank you.

I've added you into the prize pool twice. :eager:
Reply
:iconmajcen007:
Majcen007 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem :) Thanks for hosting :tighthug:
Reply
:iconvivafariy:
VivaFariy Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
[link] , [link], and [link]

They are all pretty bad but whatever.

All of my work could really use feedback - I think as a better author you could pick one.
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012   Writer
:highfive:

You're entered three times into the pool for prizes.

If you win the crit, I'll take a look see through your gallery.
Reply
Add a Comment: