Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:icongrimface242: More from GrimFace242


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
November 28, 2012
Submitted with
Sta.sh Writer
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
941 (1 today)
Favourites
3 (who?)
Comments
6
×

Be A Critic Volume 3

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 28, 2012, 1:40 PM


krt3831

PerfectFor as long as I can remember,
You wanted me to be perfect.
The perfect daughter,
The perfect student,
The perfect person.
You held me at high expectations.
You'd accept nothing less than perfect.
No matter how hard I tried,
Nothing was good enough,
Unless it was perfect.
I worked hard.
I pushed myself to the limit.
But it's not good enough.
I can't be perfect.
I've tried and tried for years.
I've driven myself insane,
Trying to be perfect.
Never showed a hint of weakness.
Never shed a tear.
Never did less than my best.
But it's not enough for you.
I can't meet your expectations.
I can't be what you wanted me to be.  
I can't be perfect.
I give up.
I am flawed.
I'm not a beauty queen.
I'm not an athlete.
I'm not a dancer.
I'm not an artist.
I'm not a scientist.
To your standards,
I am nothing.  
I am worthless.
My existence,
Pointless.
According to you,
I am a waste of space.
I cannot be perfect,
And I accept that.
That's Just Not MeJust leave me alone.
I'm not my sister.
I never will be.
I can't talk for hours and hours
About my feelings
Or my thoughts.
That's just not me.
I can't be an open book
For anyone to read.
That's just not me.
I can't be happy all the time,
Skipping wherever I go
And humming a merry tune.
That's just not me.
I can't be a social butterfly,
And chat happily
With every person I meet.
That's just not me.
Stop trying to figure out
Why I hide in the fantasy worlds
In the books I read.
Stop trying to figure out
Why I'm so quiet
And never have much to say.
Stop trying to figure out
Why I seem so down
Instead of being happy.
Because you'll never understand,
That's just me.
RainMy dear friend,
Helpful in many ways.
The music you make,
Tap dancing in the street,
Can sooth me to sleep.
Your cool touch,
Always soft and gentle,
Clears my mind.
Your sweet scent,
A beautiful perfume,
Brings me serenity.
Laying in the grass
With you all around me,
Your music,
Your touch,
Your scent,
Negative thoughts wash away
As peace floods in.
Tranquility is never far
With you around.
So do visit more often
Dear friend of mine.


The Challenge


:bulletblack: Pick at least one of the thumbs above*
:bulletblack: Read it
:bulletblack: Comment or Critique it**
:bulletblack: Leave a comment on THIS journal with the following:
:bulletwhite: A link to your comment on the deviation you chose***
:bulletwhite: A link to one of your deviations you'd like to have feedback on

:bulletblack: Wait for the results to come out!

Start Date: NOW!


End Date: December 11, 2012 @ 11:59PM EST




The Prizes


:bulletblack: One random winner will receive a comment/critique from me.
:bulletblack: A second random winner will receive 50:points:



Winners from Volume 2


:bulletblack: ivorysinkshore won a comment/critique from me. 
:bulletblack: Operia won 50:points:


Interested in being Featured?


Awesome! 
It's real simple to sign up.  Just drop me a note with the thumbcodes
to three of your deviations you'd like to receive feedback on.  Prose,
poetry, scripts, anything!  But, before you send me the note, please
make sure that the deviations you're choosing have a couple questions in
the author's comments.  It's much easier to give feedback on something
if you know what the author isn't sure about.

*Commenting/critiquing on more than one of the deviations will increase your odds of winning.  There is a strict limit of three entries per deviant.
**A Comment is a few lines, possibly a paragraph, about your opinion of the story.  It usually includes something that you really liked and should include at  least one thing that can be  improved.  A Critique is many paragraphs about the deviation and will include both personal opinion as well as correction to technical errors.
***To get a link to your comment, once you've submitted it, click on the time stamp.


~krt3831 is next up in the Bi-Weekly Critique Challenge
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmeganlawler94:
MeganLawler94 Dec 10, 2012  Professional Writer
My critique on the first poem.

To be critiqued
Reply
:iconkeko-meko:
Keko-Meko Nov 30, 2012  Student General Artist
:[link]: <--- My feedback on the third piece.

:[link]: <--- That is the piece I would like feedback on.

Thanx you! :bounce:
Reply
:icongrimface242:
Thank you. You've been added in for prizes.
Reply
:iconoperia:
Operia Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the :points: :dummy:
And, of course, I'm back! I love being critical :eyes:

1. [link]
2. [link]
3. [link]

I don't really have any written works I need critique on right now. I guess I'll just re-use this old link; [link]
Reply
:icongrimface242:
Awesome. Thank you again!

Of course, you're reentered for the prizes three times! :eager:
Reply
:iconoperia:
Operia Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome sauce :D
Reply
Add a Comment: