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December 13, 2012
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Be A Critic Volume 4

Thu Dec 13, 2012, 7:15 AM

SurrealCachinnation

NathanielHe told me he would
take me on a picnic
of strawberries and wine,
in an Italian vineyard
...and then he was gone.
All that remained
were memories of
kisses we shared,
engulfed in soft city lights,
and a tattered napkin
bearing a hastily scribbled
message with cruel words:
My pilgrimage is,
by nature,
endless.

Around my shoulders,
lightly bruised
by a lover's (goodbye) kisses,
I wrapped a shawl,
and daydreamed of falling
from the marble balcony,
like a tarnished Euro,
into the Trevi fountain.
I tossed the note
to the wind that whispered
"Nathaniel" in my ear,
and let it drift down alleys
into the Tiber,
where it could decay
like my empty ribcage.
LingerieEvery woman owns one garment
that remains tucked away,
saved for special occasions
when it will be seen.
It is almost always midnight
black, or blood red, and
covered in lace, or made
of mesh, soft and delicate
as the skin it covers.
Such things should be hidden,
lest the owner be labeled
as something other than "lady."
It has a power we can't
control, one that transforms
denim and cotton clad
ragdolls into Barbies,
perfectly proportioned plastic,
smooth and flawless hourglasses
that turn on command.
We groan and flinch
as satin strings pull us
apart and together,
and heartstrings are plucked
as we scrutinize our reflection;
we are not diamonds
with perfect exteriors--
we are fractured, as we
realize hourglasses can be exchanged
for quartz watches that are
faster, more convenient,
incapable of failure
made by the obsolete.


The Challenge


:bulletblack: Pick at least one of the thumbs above*
:bulletblack: Read it
:bulletblack: Comment or Critique it**
:bulletblack: Leave a comment on THIS journal with the following:
:bulletwhite: A link to your comment on the deviation you chose***
:bulletwhite: A link to one of your deviations you'd like to have feedback on

:bulletblack: Wait for the results to come out!

Start Date: NOW!


End Date: Tuesday, December 25th, 2012 @ 11:59PM EST




The Prizes


:bulletblack: One random winner will receive a comment/critique from me.
:bulletblack: A second random winner will receive 50:points:



Winners from Volume 1


:bulletblack: MeganLawler94 won a comment/critique from me. 
:bulletblack: Keko-Meko won 50:points:



Interested in being Featured?


Awesome! It's real simple to sign up.  Just drop me a note with the thumbcodes to three of your deviations you'd like to receive feedback on.  Prose, poetry, scripts, anything!  But, before you send me the note, please make sure that the deviations you're choosing have a couple questions in the author's comments.  It's much easier to give feedback on something if you know what the author isn't sure about.

*Commenting/critiquing on more than one of the deviations will increase your odds of winning.  There is a strict limit of three entries per deviant.
**A Comment is a few lines, possibly a paragraph, about your opinion of the story.  It usually includes something that you really liked and should include at least one thing that can be improved.  A Critique is many paragraphs about the deviation and will include both personal opinion as well as correction to technical errors.
***To get a link to your comment, once you've submitted it, click on the time stamp.


~SurrealCachinnation is featured in this challenge.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmistressofquills:
MistressofQuills Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Writer
[link], [link], and [link].
I'd love critique on this: [link] Thanks!
Reply
:iconcassiecros13:
CassieCros13 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Writer
[link], [link], and [link]

I would love a critique on this :) [link]
Reply
:iconoperia:
Operia Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't think I can do it this week :(
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012   Writer
:tears:

But you've done all the others, so I guess I can excuse it. This time. :threaten:
Reply
:iconoperia:
Operia Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Next time I will, it's just my life is a bit hectic at the moment :X
I am not completely relieving my critiquing occupation :paranoid:
Reply
:iconmeganlawler94:
MeganLawler94 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Writer
:wow: I won? :excited:
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012   Writer
You did!

I'll probably be looking at it over the weekend or early next week.
Reply
:iconmeganlawler94:
MeganLawler94 Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Professional Writer
All right =]
Reply
Add a Comment: