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Submitted on
December 26, 2012
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Be A Critic Volume 5

Wed Dec 26, 2012, 10:12 AM

TheTerrorOfTheDeep

:thumb335425405: Dry BonesSometimes I replenish my whiskey bottles with water
And swirl it around. I drink up
To make sure I didn’t miss a single drop of that alcohol.
Diluted or not, I ache for it.
Grief.
But not as much as I ache for you.
I would rinse you out and sip all of your insides.
Then I would drag your skeleton out of your skin.
Help me. Worm your way free.
Grief,
My love.
I would jumble our bones together. Mix us up.
Not so we would be two with replaced bones.
No, I want us to have four arms, four legs. I want,
I want us to have two heads and a long twisted spine
Of vertebrate upon vertebrate.
I want us to clank out hollow sounds
When we come rambling along.
Our ribcages would be split and spread.
No longer cages, but wings of rib bones.
Your hips would jut against mine
And our fingers would intertwine.
Grief,
My love,
Never leave.
Our skin would not go to waste,
Oh no.
Instead, we would tear them to shreds
And weave them together.
We could nest on them.
With all our empty bottles.


The Challenge


:bulletblack: Pick at least one of the thumbs above*
:bulletblack: Read it
:bulletblack: Comment or Critique it**
:bulletblack: Leave a comment on THIS journal with the following:
:bulletwhite: A link to your comment on the deviation you chose***
:bulletwhite: A link to one of your deviations you'd like to have feedback on

:bulletblack: Wait for the results to come out!

Start Date: NOW!


End Date: January 8, 2013 @ 11:59PM EST




The Prizes


:bulletblack: One random winner will receive a comment/critique from me.
:bulletblack: A second random winner will receive 50:points:



Winners from Volume 4


:bulletblack: CassieCros13 won a comment/critique from me. 
:bulletblack: MistressofQuills won 50:points:



Interested in being Featured?


Awesome! It's real simple to sign up.  Just drop me a note with the thumbcodes to three of your deviations you'd like to receive feedback on.  Prose, poetry, scripts, anything!  But, before you send me the note, please make sure that the deviations you're choosing have a couple questions in the author's comments.  It's much easier to give feedback on something if you know what the author isn't sure about.

*Commenting/critiquing on more than one of the deviations will increase your odds of winning.  There is a strict limit of three entries per deviant.
**A Comment is a few lines, possibly a paragraph, about your opinion of the story.  It usually includes something that you really liked and should include at least one thing that can be improved.  A Critique is many paragraphs about the deviation and will include both personal opinion as well as correction to technical errors.
***To get a link to your comment, once you've submitted it, click on the time stamp.


*TheTerrorOfTheDeep is featured in this Be A Critic Challenge.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconyukime-no-lady:
Yukime-no-lady Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013   Writer
Here is my comment [link] on Death's Tongue, Hell's Touch!

And this is the poem I'd like some feedback on [link].

You've got a really great challenge here, hope to see more of this!
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013   Writer
Got your entry. Thank you for participating. Keep an eye out for the next volume to see if you've won!
Reply
:iconreallylostmymind:
ReallyLostMyMind Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Student Writer
Here's my comment on Dry Bones [link]
I would like to have some feedback on this [link]
Thanks!
Reply
:iconmeganlawler94:
MeganLawler94 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Professional Writer
You still owe me a critique! :shakefist:

My critique.

Critique this if I win. After you critique my other piece :giggle:
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013   Writer
:shh:

I'm behind. Majorly. It's been a crazy couple of weeks, but I'm working a schedule out and clearing my desk tonight so I can get some shit done. I need to stop being sucked into the abyss and actually work! :dummy:
Reply
:iconmeganlawler94:
MeganLawler94 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Professional Writer
Can you just get some shit done for me, too, while you're at it? :giggle: Because I have absolutely no motivation today.
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013   Writer
I have so much, I don't think I could add anyone else's on too. :bucktooth:

And then I slacked last night and didn't do as much as I should have. And then tonight I have to setup WiFi and the Aunt and Uncle's house. Should be interesting showing/teaching them.
Reply
:iconmeganlawler94:
MeganLawler94 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Professional Writer
You'll get something done eventually! :nod: My goal today is to start planning Script Frenzy. April comes so fast...
Reply
:iconofonesoul:
OfOneSoul Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My critique of *TheTerrorOfTheDeep's Dry Bones.

The piece that I would like critiqued is The Doctors In.

Thanks for hosting this again! :dummy:

:heart: *OfOneSoul
Reply
:icongrimface242:
GrimFace242 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013   Writer
Awesome. Thank you for participating. You've been entered into the prize drawing.
Reply
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